What Women Want When They Go To Bars And Nightclubs
Posted: Saturday, July 05, 2008
by Rod Cortez
TheDatePro.com
Men usually do one of three things when they go to bars or night clubs. You've got the men who try to talk to one or two groups of women and then they give up. You've got the second group of men that do nothing but drink and watch (this is the biggest group of the three) and then you've got the third group of men who always seem to leave with a woman around his arm. The key to being in the third group is to take a step back and look at the reality of what goes on in a bar, pub, or night club. The majority of women that go to bars and night clubs are generally not the kind of women that you want to have a serious, long-term relationship with. So if you're looking for a wild, crazy woman or a one-night stand or just someone to hang out with because they're fun, then bars and clubs are great places to go.
"What's the best way to approach a woman in a bar setting?" is a common question I hear a lot. While there is no such thing as a "best" way there are certainly wrong ways to do it. The single biggest mistake men make in bars is not doing anything. The second biggest mistakes they make is offering to buy a woman a drink. I've never understood where this concept of buying a stranger a drink just to get the chance of talking to them started. It doesn't make any sense. I've never done it and will never do it. Frankly, if you know what women want when they go to bars, you'll never have to pull out your wallet (except for the cover and buying your own drinks).
The number one thing women want when they go to bars is attention from men. Sure, while there are some women who go to bars or clubs to just dance, have a good time, relieve stress, or whatever, they secretly want to feel validated on how pretty they are. They receive this validation by spending 60 to 90 minutes getting ready to look as hot as possible, going out to public places where men are, and having fun getting attention from men. If you ever meet a woman in a bar or club and states that she is not having a good time, it's usually because her hotter-looking friend is getting more attention from men than she is. Or she's not getting enough male attention. There are different ways of going about giving women attention. The wrong way is to offer them a drink. A better way is to walk up to a group of women, ask them if they're having a good time, and then making a toast and saying something as simple as "to tonight! May we all have a good time!".
From there you have the choice of talking to them or walking away and doing the same thing to another group of women. If more men learned how to break the ice like this their chances at meeting women would skyrocket to the moon! Another women want is attention from the right kind of men. What does that mean exactly? Women do not like getting approached from men that appear desperate, drunk, or clueless. Women only want to get approached by men of high status (higher status than them). The single biggest indication of high status is your behavior. When a woman locks eyes with you she can tell in just a second or two if you're a real man or not, which is why it is important to hold onto her gaze longer than normal. I've never subscribed to the belief that you have to lock eyes with a woman and wait until she looks away first. That's not a real-world situation. It's ideal that she look away first, but it's more important to lock eyes with her and then HOLD it longer than you normally would. It's all about how you look away, not who wins the staring contest.
Women generally look for men that smell well, dress well, and walk around with good posture. They are looking for men that are in the bar or club that are having a good time. Women stay away from men that appear like they are trying too hard to pick up on any woman that will give them the time of day (or the time of "night" since most people go to bars and clubs at night). This is why when you go out by yourself or with your friends your goals should never be to "pick up" on women. Your primary goal should be to have fun and enjoy meeting new people without forcing or becoming attached to any outcome. When I go out at night I'm always excited because I have no preconceived notion on what's going to happen. I never know what's going to happen which is why going out at night is always fun for me (except that one time in band camp, but I'm not even going there). So now that you know what women really want when they go to bars, you can now go out with more confidence. Practice making approachings and remember you are there to have fun.
Once suffering from shyness and panic attacks, Rod Cortez turned his shyness and fear into power and has successfully dated dozens of women from more than 22 different countries. He is an international dating coach who has helped thousands of men from around the world by teaching them how to be their natural, better selves. His free newsletter has hundreds of tips about dating, sex, and relationship. You can learn how he did it by visiting http://thedatepro.com/
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Top-level comments on this article: (5 total)It's easy to spot a women who is on the prowl for a man. They are looking around and scoping out what's on offer while their girl friends chat and engage more with each other. The free singleton will dip in and out of chat but their wyes will be mainly on the room not their friends. Saying women who go to bars are not the type to settle down with is also stereotypical rot unless of course the same applies to men.I stated that generally speaking women who go to bars tend to be the type that are generally not good for long-term relationships. Since it is true more than 51% of the time it is generally true. Sometimes stereotypes are based on truth.
Rodwow, so you've questioned 100% of the women in bars and clubs on a regular basis in order to gather these scientifically sound statistics, I commend you.
Of course these statistics were pulled out of thin air, who you trying to kid.
I am woman, I have been visiting bars and clubs on and off since I was 18 and I have only ever been in long term relationships and the same applies to 100% of the friends who joined me. What a coincidence we appear to fall within your 49%.Creative Blogger,This is why I stated "generally", meaning that in 51% of more of the cases it was true. Just because you and your friends are exceptions does not mean that the the general rule is not true. Yes, I have dated hundreds of women and have spoken with thousands of women around the world. Since you only need 1,000 to make a sample statistically significant I did not pull these figures out of thin air.I appreciate your feedback, but really, you took my article way out of context. I still stand that generally the best candidates for long-term relationships are not to be found in bars and nightclubs, and the majority of experts (dating and relationship) are on my side. You're entitled to your opinion and I'm entitled to mine. I base mine on my vast experience and master-minding with other dating and relationship experts.Rod
Where do you meet women who tend to be the type that are good for long-term relationships?By doing the things you love to do and frequenting the places you like to frequent. Also, through your social networks. You can be introduced to a woman who is a friend of a friend, etc. I have joined singles wine-tasting groups, a hiking group, and a downtown social group. I was introduced to a girl I am currently seeing through a friend when we were all just hanging out at a neighborhood bar. She was cool with me because she saw how I was good buddies with my friend who is also her friend. Trust was established pretty quickly that way and she was comfortable with me. I was havin fun and we were all laughing and havin a good time. I was assertive in getting her number and the rest just followed. We were having sex soon thereafter.
what if as a guy you know women like getting attention and on purpose don't give them attention just to spite them?
Hi Rod you mentioned there were four different groups of women who go to bars and what they are looking for and you only talked about two of the groups in your article. do you have an article that discusses all four of the groups of women who go to bars.. thanks and great article by the way
I have had alot of miserable short term relationships meeting wemon at clubs. my last girlfriend has a spyware phone tap where she can access alll my information. reads my emails,text,listens to voicemails,changes my profile on dating websites.I can go on and on.she will get females #the first second I call her.she will then convince the woman that I am a player and I am in arelationship with her. its a nightmare. she deletes my emai adresses. I've changed my# over 30 times.
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